Dear Friends,

I am so excited to let you know about my new book, which I have been
privileged to co-author with 101 of the world's top experts to show you
how to transform your life. It's an honor to be part of this book project
with John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, and Alan
Cohen.

Whether you want a satisfying career, be a better parent, get out of

debt, or each your  next level of success, this book has something for

everyone!

101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life: Vol. 2 is a complete collection

of 101 articles with practical, solid advice on how you can take new

actions that will lead to having the great life you dream about.

Isn't that what we all need, to stop the same unsatisfying circumstances from

occurring again and again? You can get started right away and receive a

package of life-enhancing tools worth $1,500 when you purchase just one

copy of this book at:

http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1583400

I'm thrilled with my copy and know I will refer to it often. Take a look for
yourself or for a friend.

All the best-
Barbara

Barbara McRae, MCC

www.enhancedlife.com
www.teenfrontier.com

10 Boulder Crescent, Ste. 301
Colorado Springs, CO  80904
719-475-7524

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

A girl active on MySpace.com contacted me after a boy gave her a hard time for not

having a picture on the site! She wanted to know if this boy's strong  reaction "was

normal." She didn't tell me her age, but I got the impression that her parents don't want

her to post any pictures.

Here's how I responded:

It's wise to not have a picture on MySpace, especially if you are under 14 years old. And,

even when you're older, depending on the type of picture you post, it can send the wrong

message. (You didn't tell me your age.)

If a boy is bothered that there is no picture of you, then it's a red flag (a warning) that this

is not someone to correspond with. You did the right thing by asking him why it was

important to him and his answer to you revealed that he is not the kind of guy you'd want

to get to know. Someone who over-reacts about a little thing like a picture is likely to get

way out of line when it's something even more important.

So, do yourself a big favor and listen to that part of you that already knows you had better

not anwer him again and move on. You deserve much better!

All the best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Research shows that on average parents spend only 15 minutes per day conversing with their kids! This statistic becomes more alarming when you consider that one of the unique characteristics of today’s kids is that they crave personal connection (you’ll find the full list in Coach Your Teen to Success). If they can’t get it within the family, they’ll go elsewhere.

We all know that kids spend hours talking to their friends on cell phones or forming connections with other preteens (and teens) on sites such as myspace.com.  That’s old news. What IS new is the energy that youngsters are putting into celebrity worship nearly 24/7. Even elementary school kids are getting in on the act by logging on to Internet chat rooms, arguing about who is the more devoted fan.

When kids feel that they have an actual relationship with their teen idol, then you know that they’re crossing the line into having an unhealthy obsession.

If you are a parent of tweens, consider these suggestions for spending more time with your kids and helping them process what they are seeing on screen:

1. Together with your child make a list of possible shows to watch that they can pick from rather than letting them see whatever is on, or arguing about which shows are OK every week. Be sure to engage in a two-way dialogue about the merits of each show to help your children cultivate informed viewing.
2. Make time to watch some of the shows your kids are watching. This way, you’ll be able to have lively discussions about the show and be able to offer up an adult’s view for their consideration.
3. Use some of these conversation deepeners: If you could produce a show, what would the title (or plot) be? Which actors would you select to star in it? Then, listen fully and acknowledge your child's ideas.

Have fun!

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

At the regional conference for Helping America's Youth, previously mentioned, I  had the pleasure of spending some time with Psychologist William Pollack, a fellow speaker. I enjoyed hearing his views on nature vs. nurture. He believes that contrary to popular opinion, boys are not by nature tougher than girls; in fact, they are more fragile--parents just think they are tougher and parent, accordingly.

His views coincide with a recent article I read from The Associated Press on a study about teen violence. The researchers found that not only was there indeed a link between teenagers who repeatedly watched pro wrestling on TV and those that behaved more violently than other kids, but that GIRLS were more prone to violence than boys! This certainly suggests that nurture (the environment of watching wrestling) played an important role in the higher rates of problematic behavior. We generally don't think of girls as being more aggressive.

I agree with Dr. Pollack: The bottom line is that both nature and nurture are significant factors in child development. The powerful  impact of graphic visuals canot be underestimated. While it's possible that adults are not as affected by violence (although that's debatable), children are intensely influenced by what they watch and experience.

All the best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Some of you are already aware that White House invited me to offer strategies on how to successfully cope with the challenges of parenting today’s youth at the Denver regional conference for Helping America's Youth and have asked me about my presentation. Here's an excerpt from my speech:

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Hi,

I'm Dan McBee and I'd like to explain to you why I'm so passionate about the work I do with Puslor Energy Boosters.

In 1985 I was attacked by a man with a razor blade. I received over 40 major lacerations. (over 6 inches, there were too many others to count)

I was so gross looking that they made me night appointments at the doctors because I was scaring people in the waiting room.

I thought I'd be single the rest of my life because of how I looked and the professionals thought I'd never be able to hold down a career because of the severity of the attack.

I used the Pulsors in way's I teach to remove all the scars, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

In less than a year I was dating again and running my own business.

I believe God gives us lessons in our life to not only help us but for us to be able to help others.

I know that Puslors can help you in many ways, from protection to the very damaging effects of electromagnetic fields to the stress and struggle of daily life.

To learn more about Pulsors visit my website

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Here's a question just in from parents of a beautiful, bright, athletic, and popular 16-year-old daughter

who's boyfriend of two years constantly gets in trouble with the law and blames everyone else for

his problems. He's stopped going to school and treats their daughter poorly, but she still wants him in her life! The parents don't understand the attraction, can't stand witnessing it anymore and want to step in but are hesitant.

As a mom, I know that we want the best for our kids and that includes them having healthy relationships. Why are good girls drawn to “bad” boys? Well, there are plenty of reasons:

• Opposites attract—young people often like to explore being with someone totally unlike themselves
• Girls want to establish their independence from their parents (and therefore select someone that they know would not suit their parents)
• Girls crave attention from boys (any boy) who will validate for them their attractiveness to the opposite gender
• And so on. 

My recommendation to the parents follows... You are quite right that in the long term, a serious relationship with this boy is most likely not in your daughter’s best interest. I know it’s tempting to tell her about your concerns and yet that’s what can cause your daughter to stay in the relationship even more. You are better off taking the time to validate her as a person and use your newly acquired Parent Coach skills to rekindle your bond. How do you tell a friend that the man in her life is no good? Hmm…that’s right…you probably wouldn’t.

It’s my observation that the more that parents try to prevent their teens from dating or marrying a certain person, the more likely it is that they will carry out their plan—simply to prove that they can.

Better to have a close relationship with your daughter and focus on seeing her as someone who makes good choices and treat her accordingly.

All the best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

In the past, I've shared with you my views on the purpose and benefits
of learning to coach your preteens and teens. Recently, I was interviewed
about life coaching for kids by Daughters.com for their July/August issue.
In the article, their editor, Helen Cordes, reported that "More universities
are offering life coaching resources, with studies showing that students
given a year's life coaching get higher grades and stay in school more than

uncoached students."

Parents who have cultivated their Parent Coaching skills also report
great results in not only motivating their kids to meet their educational
and health goals, but also their goals in developing great relationships
with their family and friends. So, it's easy to assume that coaching works
in any situation. Not so! But, when is it NOT appropriate to coach
your kids?

<> When You're in an Emergency Situation

Some geographic regions in the U.S. are experiencing "extreme fire"
conditions. If there's a raging fire in your neighborhood, this
is not the time to initiate a dialog about how the fire might have started
and how it could have been prevented. Just get everyone into a safety
zone--fast!

<> When Your Child Doesn't Have the Necessary Skills

If your teen wants to make Strawberry Shortcake for the family this summer,
but she or he has never done it before, asking this type of question, "How
will you prepare this dessert?" won't help. Share your favorite recipe
and be available to answer "how to" questions.

<> When You Have Critical Information Your Teen Needs

When you need to relay important information, that's telling--not coaching.
For example, once your teens begin driving, they need to be kept informed
about any developments concerning teen driving laws. When proposed
legislation on restricting teen driving passes in your state, make sure you
tell your teens about the new laws.   

Knowing when and when not to coach will no doubt help you give your kids
what they need--when they need it.

Coaching helps teens make better choices and helps them sort through
their problems and challenges without creating a dependence on you for
making decisions. Coaching IS appropriate when teens need encouragement
and support to keep moving forward; it's appropriate when you want to
promote self-discovery and self-responsibility.

In summary,  to be a skilled Parent Coach, it's just as important to know
when to coach as it is when NOT to. Coaching is an advanced form of
communicating and relating; you'll create an environment of trust between
you and your child that serves as a solid foundation from which he or she
can safely explore and develop into a healthy, contributing adult.

My best,
Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

What's important to 14-year-old girls? That's what a freelance writer asked me recently for an article she's pitching to a major national magazine. The answer? Boys! I guess, some things don't change  - except kids today seem to start earlier.

I got a request for help from a 14-year-old girl whose parents have a "no boys rule until age 21." According to her, "I'm an honor student, religious, a dancer, and am probably on of the few people at my age who listen [to my parents]." Now, she likes this 15-year-old boy, wants to tell her parents about him, and she's concerned that her parents will freak because they are so strict. She wants to preserve the trust she was with her parents but doesn't want them to over-react. "I'm so scared of them never letting me out of the house again."

I think it's unfortunate that parents often unwittingly, stifle meaningful conversation with teens about important topics. Here's how I answered her question about "What is the best way to talk to them about this?"

I see what you mean. It’s certainly not realistic to expect teens not to date until age 21, especially since the legal age in the US for getting married is 18!

It sounds like you’ve got a good relationship with your parents and you don’t want to jeopardize it, and yet, you are drawn to this boy. I give you credit for not wanting to do something behind your parent’s back. And, it’s also important to begin making choices on your own – as long as you are prepared to handle the consequences.

Perhaps, you could spend more time with your new guy friend to get to know each other better as pals before you decide to date? If you are attending the same school, that would be the natural next step. You could also “group date.” That’s very popular right now. This way, parents can get to know this boy, but they would be less likely to panic because it’s just a group of kids going to see a movie together or having a pizza.

From your description, I take it that your parents are quite rigid about their rules. That makes it harder for you to have an open dialog with them. If you do decide to talk about this boy to your mom and dad, find out ahead of time what their concerns are about having a boyfriend. Perhaps, they don’t want you to hurt from having a broken heart or they are concerned about teen pregnancy. Often parents project themselves onto their kids, including their fears. Once you have a better understanding of their concerns, you can better address those.

All the best-

Barbara

P.S. Her response? "Thank you so much, Barbara, you have no idea how much your advice means to me. You have helped a lot!" There are no words that can fully describe how rewarding it is to be able to help these kids. So, if you encounter parents or teens who could use some help, please send them to www.teenfrontier.com.

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Dads are often puzzled when it comes to their daughters. In speaking with

teen girls, here's what they'd like their dads to know:

1. The media and TV tell us how we need to look in order to be considered
attractive; we need you to love us for our minds, not just our looks.

2. Accept that we are going to have boyfriends; being overprotective makes
us feel you don't trust us.

3. We may have a big fight with our friends and threaten to never talk with
them again, but that doesn't mean that the friendship is over.

4. Shopping is an event, not a task; please be patient and if you must comment,

let it be positive.

5. When we talk to you about a problem, we want you to listen carefully,
not rush in to fix it.

6. There will be times when we just want to talk to mom; be thankful. You're
better off not knowing what it's about.

7. If a boy calls or comes over, don't scare him away; act normal and stick
to talking about sports; please don't share embarrassing childhood stories.

8. A bad hair day IS a big deal. You may never understand that and you don't
need to - it just is.

9. Our room is our private space. It's best to let us decorate it in our
own unique way. And please, no snooping.

10. We feel pressured enough about doing well in school and would
appreciate more encouragement and less criticism. Believe in us!

Happy Father's Day,

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Moms often tell me that their daughters talk but their teen sons don't open up and just answer with one word or "I don't know." Here's what teen boys have to say about why they tend to avoid talking:

1. They don't feel comfortable talking about their personal life with you.

2. They want to begin feeling independent from mom and begin creating more private space.

3. They don't want to talk about it right now.

4. They know the answer but they feel they aren't good at expressing themselves and would rather not talk at all than risk doing it poorly.

5. They don't know the answer and they don't want you to know that they don't know.

6. They think the topic is too personal or embarrassing.

7. They have different values from you and don't respect your opinions.

8. They don't like talking to you because they feel criticised and judged.

Does this mean that you can't have a decent conversation with your teenage son? No, not at all. But you can't force it. When you back off and let your son know that the door is open, he can choose to come to you. When he does, listen without interrupting and without feeling compelled to give your advice or opinions unless you're asked. These two small shifts on your side, can change the communication dynamics between the two of you because your son now experiences a deeper level of respect from you.

All the best-

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

www.20-something-careers.com

Career-Savvy for Students and Young Professionals

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Meryl Streep recently said in Parade magazine: "Parenting is expertise on

the fly. You make it up as you go along." Do you parent like that? Many

parents do! I love Meryl Streep as an actor, but I believe there's a more

effective way to parent.

Have you thought about what the purpose of parenting is? Most parents
I meet hope for a smooth transition into adulthood. They want their
kids to become highly functioning, self-reliant, and responsible
adults.

Now let's see if what you say you want is in alignment with what you are
doing! How are you helping to prepare your kids for the real world?  To
what extent are you allowing them to be self-sufficient?  What life skills
are you consciously teaching? To do this well, it's important to take some

time to think through what impact your parenting is going to have in your

child's future.

The earlier you help your kids learn about natural consequences from

making their own choices--when the stakes are lower--the less likely it is

that they will get into serious trouble. It's been said: Little Kids, Little Problems--
Big Kids, Big Problems. As a purposeful parent, your role is to offer

guidance and then stand back.

More than ever before, today's teens need parents who will walk alongside
and partner with teens, respectfully offering them choices and resources.

To help your kids understand the real world, you first need to observe
how cause and effect works in your own life. What happens when your credit
card payments are late? How do you build a good credit history? Why not
teach your kids some banking basics now before they're in college, when
credit cards are easy to obtain? The opportunities for a young person to
destroy their credit is far greater--and with far reaching consequences.

Consider asking yourself, "How am I preparing my teen for life?" "Are my
actions in alignment with my goals?"

My best!
Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

One of the hardest jobs that exist is that of being a parent. The only one that’s even harder is being a step-parent. I know I’ve parented three into adulthood (two boys and a girl). I recently heard from a new step-mom with two step-kids who "have pretty much raised themselves" before she married their dad. She's really struggling because she can't get them to do anything. In particular, she's having problems with her 14-year-old step-daughter and wanted to know how she can "correct her attitude."

Here's my response... Like you, I became a step-mom when my step-son and step-daughter were already in their early teens – another factor that can complicate matters. So, I can appreciate the step-parenting challenge and adjustments you are going through right now.

Most experts agree that to be successful as a step-parent, it’s important that the biological parent continue to administer any discipline/consequences. This works best when you and the natural parent have the same parenting styles. In this case, that’s your husband. You mentioned that his two children have “pretty much had to raise themselves.” (I discuss the three types of parenting styles in Coach Your Teen to Success and the pros and cons of each style.)

It sounds as if you are taking corrective actions with your step-children on your own. Is that correct? If so, your life will most likely be a constant struggle. If you and your husband have different ideas about parenting, then you may just need to have separate standards for your kids vs. his. You shared that you are married one month and that your husband’s kids now live in the same town. Do they live with you at all, part-time, or full-time?

What was your relationship with your new step-kids before you got married to their dad? Hopefully, you had a chance to build a foundation and discuss expectations upfront. Note that teen girls are inherently more challenging for a step-mom. Once you accept this and choose your battles wisely, you’ll have an easier time of it.

Assuming you and your husband are on the same page and he is the spokesperson for outlining appropriate behavior to his children within your family unit, then you can focus on building strong trust-filled relationships with his kids. Keep in mind that until you can be at peace with yourself and them, nothing will change. The power struggles will continue. When you develop rapport with his kids and are not seen as someone who is merely controlling and takes away their privileges, then you will become a valuable influencer in their lives.

In the case of your step-daughter refusing to brush her teeth and shower when you want her to, let go of your need to have her do it your way. If you truly believe that her teeth are going to rot, take her to the dentist and let him or her explain about the consequences of not taking good care of her teeth. What are her father’s views about this? There’s no reason for you to take this on, unless you enjoy having a lot of drama in your life!

I’m concerned for you that in only one month you’ve already taken away two important tools that teens have to learn how to function in today’s world. If you keep this strategy up, you’ll soon run out of stuff to take away. And by taking the cell phone and computer away you are not teaching her how to use them responsibly, instead you are giving her reasons to dislike and distrust you. Why? Because you are interfering with her inherent need to be an adolescent, to learn and grow – not to be stifled. Do you know that the word “adolescent” means breaking away? Without some rebellion, your step-daughter will never find out who she is and won’t develop a mind of her own.

To successfully parent, we need to be mindful of giving praise, not just criticisms. When it comes to raising teens, treat them as if they are already adults. That’s not to say that you don’t set age-appropriate limits, identify boundaries and enforce real-world consequences. But remember to offer your children the same respect and courtesy that you do other adults. They will then be much more likely to give you the same in return. With some practice on how to communicate effectively – and from the heart, it IS possible for you and your step-children to have a healthy bond.

My best-

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Check out our new site where high school and college grads get career savvy:

http://www.20-something-careers.com

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

After developing careers for over 20 years, Barbara McRae, launches a new web site dedicated to help 20-Somethings smoothly transition from college to the real world.

Colo.Springs, CO – Millions of college students drift through their undergraduate work without being any closer to knowing what career to focus on. Nationally known author, coach, and speaker – Barbara McRae, MCC – helps students apply practical strategies to make college a worthwhile investment and get career savvy.

Most students never learn how to get hired. It’s an astonishing fact that 64% of new grads move back home after college. And adults in their 30s are increasingly returning to live with their parents out of economic necessity. This is called the “boomerang syndrome.” Without pre-employment preparation, students find it difficult to support themselves. But having a clear career path and getting hired doesn’t have to be a struggle.

20-Something-Careers.com, a Neon Whispers™ company, launches their new web site dedicated to providing valuable pre-employment resources to students, college grads, and young professionals nationwide. Headquartered near Denver, CO, Barbara McRae is a Master Certified Coach (one of a few hundred in the world) and has a track record of developing careers for over 20 years; she is experienced in working with all levels of employees from entry level to the executive suite.

For details, please visit http://www.20-something-careers.com or call (888) 409-5433.

###

Contact: Barbara McRae, MCC 1719-475-7524

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Just in time for Mother’s Day, I’m going to do something unprecedented! I’ve decided to GIVE you a copy of the bestselling book Coach Your Teen to Success. This is not just an e-book. This is a beautiful, high-quality trade paperback filled that you’ll refer to again and again.

That’s right,  you are eligible to get a personally autographed copy of my latest book—to keep for yourself OR to give to someone you care about, someone who would like to enhance their relationship with teens.

Keep in mind that having good intentions and thinking positive are not enough to have smooth communications with teens and to help them develop into healthy and happy adults!

I’m allocating 300 f*ree copies to make it easy for you to be the best parent possible and to have the kind of satisfying and close relationships with your kids that other parents only dream about having.

Why am I giving these books away instead of getting paid for the years it took to arrive at the 7 steps that parents everywhere are raving about? It’s simple, because I’ll do whatever it takes to get this vital, life-transforming information into the hands of as many parents as possible! All I ask is that you pay the shipping/handling; it’s only $5.45. (Call 719-475-7524 to find out about international S/H.)

Be one of the first 100 people to reserve your copy, and I’ll include a $25.00 gift card you can apply toward any one of our Parent-Teen Coaching services.

http://www.teenfrontier.com/mothers-day-special.htm

This time-sensitive offer ends on May 14, 2006 (or once all 300 copies are gone – whichever comes first). When they’re gone, they’re gone! So, don’t delay… I’d hate for you to miss out on this one-time (and for me unheard of!) offer.

If you’ve wanted to have the missing instructions on how to parent today’s teens…

If you’ve wanted to eliminate feelings of frustration and distance …

If you’ve wanted to be the best parent possible for your unique adolescent…

If you’ve wanted to help your teenager make choices to life a fulfilling and happy life…

Then, there’s no time like the present!

http://www.teenfrontier.com/mothers-day-special.htm

Keep in mind that this book makes a marvelous present for anyone interacting with teens.

Warmly,

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

A frequent question from parents is "What do you do when your teen brings drugs into your home, and you've made it clear that this is not allowed, but it continues?" The latest version of this all to common situation came from a single mom with a 16-year-old son. Here's an excerpt of my email response to her:

I can appreciate your concern for your teenage son – particularly about bringing drugs into your home. As you probably know, drugs are illegal and since you have knowledge of the drugs being in your home, you too, can be liable for this offense. It can jeopardize your entire family. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you take swift action.

From your email, it sounds to me that so far you’ve just been making requests that your son not bring drugs home. And since he continues to do this, you know that this strategy is not working; to get different results, you need to change what you are doing.

The first thing to do is to identify and enforce firm boundaries about drugs. This means you need to be clear about what is OK and what is not. Having drugs in the home is not OK in the U.S. If you live here, then it’s important to let your son know that the next time you find drugs in your home, you will flush them down the toilet because your job is to keep the family safe, not risk having everyone go to jail. (Your son might tell you that you are over-reacting, don’t listen to that.) If, after you do this, you find drugs again, do it again and immediately take him to get tested for drugs. Having drugs in your home is a good indicator that he is using. If he tests positive for drugs, insist he meet a substance abuse counselor and continue random testing for drugs.

The drug testing I’m recommending isn’t just to validated that your son is smoking pot; it’s to determine whether the help he is getting through a certified substance abuse counselor is making a difference! It also lets him know that you are determined to help him through this challenging time.

Note that if he disregards your boundaries, you need to escalate the consequences and fine him—just as it would happen in the real world. Be firm. Be consistent. This is called “tough love.”

It’s important for you to do this kind of intervention for your teen now, because he is still under 18. Once he is of legal age, there’s not much you can do to help him or protect him from himself.

At the same, start using the 7 steps to having more effective communication. Find out what kind of life he wants for himself. My guess is he really doesn’t want to experience being a drug addict or landing in jail. Help him discover how he can spend his time in ways that will better prepare him for a successful future.

All the best-

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Bestselling Author of "Coach Your Teen to Success--7 Steps to Transform Relationships & Enrich Lives." 

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
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Thousands of high schools around the country have begun instituting
an alcohol testing policy for school dances, football games or other
events. This seemingly severe solution is in response to a widespread
problem to crack down on kids from getting inebriated. Perhaps you
heard about the 14-year-old boy who drank himself into a coma at a
homecoming dance.

Why you should be concerned about letting your teen attend a school

dance.

There is enough evidence to support that the majority of students are
getting intoxicated or using drugs at dances. Most parents and school
administrators believe that subjecting teens to a Breathalyzer test in
order to attend a school event, is not enough. Teens are amazingly
creative and resourceful when it comes to sneaking drugs or alcohol.

Do you protect your kids or throw them to the wolves?

Some parents are so intent on keeping their kids safe, that they want
to shield their teens from attending events where so much inappropriate
behavior takes place. Others reason that they want their kids to make all
their mistakes now while they are still under a parent's roof; thinking
that this alone will prepare them for the temptations they'll face later.

What's the best way for a parent to handle this dilemna?

These diverse reactions are a perfect example of either/or thinking.
It's nearly always a limiting choice. How about a blended solution? We
can help our kids navigate through the land mines by giving them life
skills. But they won't get proficient at using these skills if you
prevent them from gaining experience. 

One of the best ways to handle your son or daughter's request to attend a

school event is to ask, "What's your plan for handling the pressure from

your peers to drink (or take drugs, or have sex)?"

Here's what one of my clients said recently, "The best advice that you

passed along was asking my teen, "What is your plan to ...?  Prior to

asking this question, my teen just ignored me."

For a free list of 101 Insightful What Questions, email me at

barbara@teenfrontier.com.

My best!

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

A young girl recently posted this question for me online (Ask Barbara at www.teenfrontier.com): Before I went to middle school, I was always happy and now I'm just plain depressed. I even cut myself (the cuts are not bad, but sometimes they bleed) and nothing is wrong. I have both parents (who hardly fight), I haven't suffered a great loss and I have a lot of friends! What should I do? 

This young girl is not alone in thinking that depression happens when a serious event triggers us. It doesn't always happen this way. There are many levels and reasons for depression and I certainly don't consider myself an expert on this subject; however, I have observed that more often than not, a "low grade" depression (as opposed to clinical or chemical depression) can result from periods of sadness. And we must be vigilent about taking care of our emotional needs every day - preferably in the moment they appear - to prevent an accumulation.

The so-called negative emotions serve a positive purpose; they signal us that something needs to change. A smoke detector is a good comparison. When it goes off, it's loud and disturbing. You could take out the batteries to quiet it down, but that's definitely not a long-term fix! It would be better to grab a fire extinguisher and look for the fire! Sometimes we need help figuring out where the internal smoke is coming from.

Here's some of what I responded to her cry for help:

"It sounds like you realize that cutting is not good for you. Cutting is a form of "self-injury." It's something that people do to help them get through difficult situations in their life or when they haven't learned a healthier way to handle their negative feelings. Without finding healthy outlets for feelings, these feelings can build up and look for a more dramatic release (cutting). It's not important to fully understand why you're tempted to cut yourself; what is important is that you believe you can learn healthier ways to cope.

I'm not a specialist in self-injury, but there is a resource you can check into (www.positivereflections-edt.com). This treatment center has helped many teens. Naturally, I recommend you let your parents (or at the very least another adult you feel close to) know that you want help kicking this habit--before it gets worse--and help support you through this process."

I'm delighted to share with you that this girl took my suggestions to heart, told her parents, and they arranged for her to get help! My hope is that by posting this important information here, others might benefit as well.

All the best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Here are some ABCs of chat abbreviations that every parent ought to become familiar with, but not because you want to begin using them!! You’ll want to familiarize yourself with this new lingo kids are using when chatting online to be able to spot trouble. Some of these words are harmless (depending on what context they are being used in), but some may be age-inappropriate and can alert you to potential danger.

A/S/L               age, sex, location

BF                   boyfriend

CRBT              crying real big tears

DIKU              do I know you?

EG                   evil grin

F2F                  face to face

GF                   girlfriend

H&K               hug and kiss

IPN                  I’m posting naked

JBOD              just a bunch of disks

KOL                kiss on lips

LMIRL            let’s meet in real life

LTR                 long term relationship

MOTOS          member of the opposite sex

NIFOC            naked in front of computer

NP                   nosy parents

OL                   old lady

OM                  old man

P911                my parents are coming!

PA                   parent alert

PAL                 parents are listening

PDA                public display of affection

POS                 parent over shoulder

QSO                conversation

RYO                roll your own

SWAK                        sealed with a kiss

SYS                 see you soon

TAW               teachers are watching

WTGP             want to go private?

YG                   young gentleman

Teens are more likely to get into dangerous situations online than younger kids since they usually have their own computer and are naturally unsupervised much of the time. As a general rule, it’s not safe to meet someone in person that you’ve only been chatting with online. Sexual predators often pose as teens in order to get close to their prey. To further educate yourself and find out what to discuss with your teens to keep them safe, visit www.safeteens.com.

My best,

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Have you ever wished your teen would choose different friends? I recently coached a mom with a 15-year-old boy on this very topic. Her son "suddenly" chose drumming over sports and his new friends seemed "weird." Mom asked, "Is he just learning his identity and I should just not worry or should I be concerned about the sudden changes? I have heard I should not try to pick his friends."

Here's my answer: Teenagers are naturally programmed to seek their self-identity and yearn for independence so that they can develop into adulthood. During this time, teenagers start to withdraw from their parents and experiment by being a different kind of person than their parents are. Did you know that adolescence means “breaking away?”

Parents often have mixed feelings about a teen’s drive for independence. On the one hand, you realize that it’s part of their inner programming to learn to become a self-sufficient, fully functioning adult. And, it can be frightening when you feel you no longer recognize your child.

It sounds like you were a lot more comfortable with your son loving sports than loving music. It is natural for teens to listen and play music that is different from what you enjoy. Did you know that Elvis Presley’s father didn’t approve of his music and wanted him to learn a trade so that Elvis could get a “real” job?

You mention that your son’s friends seem strange. Are you put off by how they look? Musicians are generally “Creatives” and thrive on looking different. It’s natural to feel a bit uneasy with people who are different from the way we are or the way we think they ought to be. Not being able to celebrate the differences in others can get us in a lot of trouble. It’s easy to loose the ability to stay open when we feel uneasy.  Learning the steps in Coach Your Teen to Success will help you cultivate a coaching presence so that you can be a guide to your son during these challenging times. Now, let me be clear, IF by “weird” you mean that these kids are verbally abusive or violent. Then, that’s an entirely different situation.

You are wise to realize that picking your teen’s friends is not your job. Your teen’s friends are just as important to him as your friends are to you. Be supportive of your teen in this area. Some parents feel threatened by their teenager’s friends. They think that these friends have more influence on teens’ choices than they do. Friends may have influence on teens’ choices with respect to some short-term issues (clothes, dating, etc.), but teen surveys have reported that parents have more influence on choices concerning long-term issues (character, integrity, etc.).

I recommend that whenever possible, it’s best to be flexible in the area of teen friendships. Remember, it’s the teenager’s job to seek independence. Be respectful and keep the communication lines open. This way, you’ll have much more information and you’ll be able to spot any real trouble. You can’t help, if you don’t stay in rapport with your son.

My Best-

Barbara

P.S. If you haven't visited www.teenfrontier.com in a while, please vist. We've got a brand new look and have updated our no-cost resources!

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™