A frequent question from parents is "What do you do when your teen brings drugs into your home, and you've made it clear that this is not allowed, but it continues?" The latest version of this all to common situation came from a single mom with a 16-year-old son. Here's an excerpt of my email response to her:

I can appreciate your concern for your teenage son – particularly about bringing drugs into your home. As you probably know, drugs are illegal and since you have knowledge of the drugs being in your home, you too, can be liable for this offense. It can jeopardize your entire family. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you take swift action.

From your email, it sounds to me that so far you’ve just been making requests that your son not bring drugs home. And since he continues to do this, you know that this strategy is not working; to get different results, you need to change what you are doing.

The first thing to do is to identify and enforce firm boundaries about drugs. This means you need to be clear about what is OK and what is not. Having drugs in the home is not OK in the U.S. If you live here, then it’s important to let your son know that the next time you find drugs in your home, you will flush them down the toilet because your job is to keep the family safe, not risk having everyone go to jail. (Your son might tell you that you are over-reacting, don’t listen to that.) If, after you do this, you find drugs again, do it again and immediately take him to get tested for drugs. Having drugs in your home is a good indicator that he is using. If he tests positive for drugs, insist he meet a substance abuse counselor and continue random testing for drugs.

The drug testing I’m recommending isn’t just to validated that your son is smoking pot; it’s to determine whether the help he is getting through a certified substance abuse counselor is making a difference! It also lets him know that you are determined to help him through this challenging time.

Note that if he disregards your boundaries, you need to escalate the consequences and fine him—just as it would happen in the real world. Be firm. Be consistent. This is called “tough love.”

It’s important for you to do this kind of intervention for your teen now, because he is still under 18. Once he is of legal age, there’s not much you can do to help him or protect him from himself.

At the same, start using the 7 steps to having more effective communication. Find out what kind of life he wants for himself. My guess is he really doesn’t want to experience being a drug addict or landing in jail. Help him discover how he can spend his time in ways that will better prepare him for a successful future.

All the best-

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Bestselling Author of "Coach Your Teen to Success--7 Steps to Transform Relationships & Enrich Lives." 

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
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