What's important to 14-year-old girls? That's what a freelance writer asked me recently for an article she's pitching to a major national magazine. The answer? Boys! I guess, some things don't change  - except kids today seem to start earlier.

I got a request for help from a 14-year-old girl whose parents have a "no boys rule until age 21." According to her, "I'm an honor student, religious, a dancer, and am probably on of the few people at my age who listen [to my parents]." Now, she likes this 15-year-old boy, wants to tell her parents about him, and she's concerned that her parents will freak because they are so strict. She wants to preserve the trust she was with her parents but doesn't want them to over-react. "I'm so scared of them never letting me out of the house again."

I think it's unfortunate that parents often unwittingly, stifle meaningful conversation with teens about important topics. Here's how I answered her question about "What is the best way to talk to them about this?"

I see what you mean. It’s certainly not realistic to expect teens not to date until age 21, especially since the legal age in the US for getting married is 18!

It sounds like you’ve got a good relationship with your parents and you don’t want to jeopardize it, and yet, you are drawn to this boy. I give you credit for not wanting to do something behind your parent’s back. And, it’s also important to begin making choices on your own – as long as you are prepared to handle the consequences.

Perhaps, you could spend more time with your new guy friend to get to know each other better as pals before you decide to date? If you are attending the same school, that would be the natural next step. You could also “group date.” That’s very popular right now. This way, parents can get to know this boy, but they would be less likely to panic because it’s just a group of kids going to see a movie together or having a pizza.

From your description, I take it that your parents are quite rigid about their rules. That makes it harder for you to have an open dialog with them. If you do decide to talk about this boy to your mom and dad, find out ahead of time what their concerns are about having a boyfriend. Perhaps, they don’t want you to hurt from having a broken heart or they are concerned about teen pregnancy. Often parents project themselves onto their kids, including their fears. Once you have a better understanding of their concerns, you can better address those.

All the best-

Barbara

P.S. Her response? "Thank you so much, Barbara, you have no idea how much your advice means to me. You have helped a lot!" There are no words that can fully describe how rewarding it is to be able to help these kids. So, if you encounter parents or teens who could use some help, please send them to www.teenfrontier.com.

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™