Here are five common ways that we stop ourselves from moving forward. As you read below, imagine making a change in your life. Perhaps you want to be a better communicator (launch a new business, be a better parent, or start taking ballroom dancing).

1. You talk about it, but don't follow through.
You keep yourself from potentially experiencing failure by not engaging in activities to learn how to communicate better. Suddenly, you loose your motivation and nothing changes.

2. You avoid failing by failing.
You tell yourself you don't have time to practice your new skills and when you do remember to try them out, you don't get the results you were hoping for. You give up to "protect" yourself from further failure! Of course, if you give up, you can't succeed either.

3. You create a diversion.
You are conflicted. On the one hand, you want to make the changes you have identified; on the other, you are concerned about the unknown. To avoid discomfort, you sabotage yourself by getting distracted (you get involved in someone else's problems, decide to drop your goal so that you can search for another one, or "create" an illness).

4. You indulge in "what if--down" thinking.
You think thoughts that cause you to feel down on yourself instead of "what if--up" thinking that can uplift you. You compare yourself to others and feel inferior. You think it will be difficult or a struggle to reach your goal and exhaust your energy.

5. You become reasonably successful.
You get as far away from failure as possible by setting the bar too low for yourself. You stay in your comfort zone to remove the threat of failure. You are unwilling to stretch to give it your best effort to find out what you are really capable of.

What would happen if you began thinking of failure as feedback? Feedback is both inevitable and valuable. Without feedback we cannot make important course corrections. What we consider to be mistakes are necessary to help use understand what works and what doesn't.

Feedback is essential to aid learning. Feedback helps us understand that we live in a "cause and effect" world. It teaches us life skills, such as taking self responsibility, patience, and determination. When you do this, you will then be able to be a better guide to your kids.

Redefining what failure and success mean is the first step in relieving your struggle and suffering. Perhaps a better definition of failure is giving up or taking the easy way out. A more positive definition of success might be living in alignment with your values and doing your best,
regardless of the outcome.

You know you are making progress when your definition of failure liberates you from your fear. And when it inspires you to reach for the next level of success while enjoying the process.

My best-

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Positively impacting your teens today and beyond!

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

We all know that parenting teens is not easy. New challenges surface

regularly and there are a lot of grey areas. How much freedom to

give your teen is one of them.

Let's take the example of teen curfews. Below you'll see how three

distinct parenting styles would typically handle setting curfews:

Authoritative Parent:

<> Would prefer to have teens at home to keep on eye on him or her

<> Unilaterally sets conservative and non-adjustable curfews

<> May insist on getting a call every hour or so to make sure teens

are all right and are where they say they are.

This parent doesn't realize that making all the decisions and being

over-protective sends the message "I don't trust you." A hands-on style

doesn't help teens develop confidence in themselves. There's too little

freedom for learning to take place.

Permissive Parent:

<> Wants teens to have fun and make decisions on their own

<> Has either no boundaries or very few boundaries that are rarely

enforced

<> Not involved until there's a problem.

This hands-off style doesn't offer sufficient guidance to help teens

successfully navigate. Since the permissive parent isn't there to

provide some necessary structure, it takes teens much longer to extract

the learnings from their experiences. It's the epitome of too much freedom.

Participative Parent Coach:

<> Understands a teen's need to have an appropriate level of independence

<> Teen and parent together negotiate clear boundaries and consequences

<> Parent reviews what's working and what isn't and makes adjustments,

accordingly.

This participative style of a Parent Coach offers a healthy balance

between providing freedom within structure. The emphasis here is on

negotiation. Each situation is unique as is your child. Adjustable

curfews have their advantages as long as the consequences for missing

a curfew are clearly spelled out and enforced.

Participative parents are collaborative. They realize that the world

doesn't operate on curfews, unless there's a national emergency. They know

it's better to focus on having pertinent information. Ask your kids:

=> Where will you be?  With whom?

=> When will you return home?

=> What will you do if something unexpected comes up?

The Parent Coach realizes that just as kids need to keep you informed

about their whereabouts, teens need to know where you'll be and how to

reach you in case of an emergency. It's a two-way street.

To determine how much freedom to give to your child, make decisions based

on the age and maturity level of each child. Be participative and give small

doses of freedom to start and build from there, based on how much

responsibility your teen demonstrates he or she can handle. Keep in mind

that it's your job to prepare your adolescents for a smooth transition into

adulthood.

My best,

Barbara

Teen Advice Parenting

Positively impacting teens today and beyond!

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Parents and teens are welcome to get their pressing question answered via the ASK BARBARA feature on our web site at www.teenfrontier.com.

Here's a recent question that many of you can probably relate to: "Much to my horrow, my 14 1/2-year-old has started smoking (cigarettes). BUT, tonight he has come home stoned from smoking marijuana.I'm worried about him starting to hang out with other kids that--up until about a month ago--he wouldn't want to know. I have found that I'm not very good at keeping cool and level headed. Please, do you have any advice for me? Thanks."

My response: I can understand the shock and concern you’re probably feeling right now. I can tell from your message to me that you are aware how important it is to manage your emotions and keep calm. As parents, we need to be good leaders and model how to handle upsetting situations. We cannot help our children when we panic. The first step is to clear your own emotions so that you can truly be there for your son. Keep in mind that reacting is not responding.

There are lots of strategies for expressing your feelings in a healthy manner. It's important to acknowledge your feelings, your fear, your worry, your anger. Then you can release your words and feelings into a journal, a pillow, or somewhere where they can’t harm your relationship with your teenage son. If you are a subscriber (or have a copy of Coach Your Teen to Success), then you already know what steps to take to communicate successfully.

Smoking cigarettes, while not healthy, is not illegal. So, you’re better off to realize that your son needs to assert his independence by smoking them. I suggest you see it as a temporary phase – not the end of the world. Do be clear about your boundaries at home. You can limit his smoking to outside only.

Smoking marijuana in the U.S. is illegal. You need to let him know that smoking MJ is NOT okay. If he continues, take him to get tested for drugs and if he tests positive, get him to a counselor. He also needs to know, that he is not allowed to bring this drug into your home, since you are legally responsible for him and can also be implicated. This is VERY important. Let him know that you will search is room at random and if you find it, you will dispose of it and will enter him into a treatment program. (Smoking pot often leads to other drugs that are much more harmful.)

If your son is starting to spend time with a different group of boys, then he may be looking for acceptance and love in the wrong places. This often happens when parents are still using the same parenting methods they did when their kids were younger. It’s critical to upgrade your parenting skills and learn how to communicate and relate to teens. I can help you do that.  

Hope this helps you!

Barbara

Teen Parenting Advice to Positively Impact Your Teen Today and Beyond!

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Most of you are probably already working on your goals that you have
set for this year. Some of you could be intending to have better relationships

with your family or with your business associates. But I wonder how many of

you have made being peaceful one of your primary goals? We talk about peace

during the Winter holidays and even this year's Olympic's theme in Torino,

Italy, is peace. But how many of you have even thought of connecting the two

words "peace" and "goal" together?

Know that when you are not feeling peaceful inside, when you are feeling
impatient, frustrated or overwhelmed you cannot simultaneously feel
calm, confident, and in command of yourself.

CLARITY LEAVES AS SOON AS YOU FEEL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.

When you spend time thinking about negative scenarios in your head, you
are harboring negative emotions in your body. Your feelings "flag" your
emotional state. Yet, most people pay no attention to their internal
feedback system, even though you can count on it being reliable.

So, why aren't more people aware of their built-in guidance system? Here
are a few reasons why this feedback is often ignored.

(1) We have been conditioned to ignore our feelings, giving preference
to our intellect;

(2) We are accustomed to having negative feelings and/or don't believe we
can manage them.

Thus, it seems normal for us to worry, awfulize, and feel anxious. One
of my clients, an intelligent, creative and attractive woman in her 30s,
reported that as a result of our work together--for the FIRST TIME in
her life--she no longer feels anxious when meeting new people, working
with colleagues, or embarking on new creative projects!

In making peace your goal, you feel more calm and peaceful particularly
during the holidays when you find yourself tapping into your reserves of
time, money, and love.

PEACEFUL PEOPLE ARE IN TUNE WITH THEIR OWN GUIDANCE SYSTEM

Thoughts cause you to experience varying levels of a "feel good" or "feel
bad" state. If you entertain thoughts about others, such as "they have it
in for me" or "this isn't fair" or "I got screwed," I can guarantee that
you will not be feeling love, peace, and joy in that moment. It's
impossible. Fear and love cannot simultaneously coexist. Not only that,
but you will duplicate more experiences in line with your dominant thoughts
and feelings.

Peaceful people ask themselves, "What am I thinking?" and connect the dots
between these specific thoughts and the current emotional state. You can
choose to shift your thoughts to something that makes you feel peaceful.

PEACEFUL PEOPLE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES, NOT

EVERYONE ELSE

Peaceful people take full responsibility for their own thought, feelings,
words, and behaviors. Peaceful people acknowledge their negative thoughts,
but they don't take up residence in negativity. They're mentally tough
and tenacious about reconnecting to their true self. They focus on peace,
joy, love, optimism, and courage instead of fear, resentment, confusion,
anxiety or self-pity.

Peaceful people are not tempted to want to change someone else's behavior
or world view. They remind themselves that they wouldn't want someone
else to force them to be different. They give others the same courtesy and
freedom they'd want for themselves.

PEACEFUL PEOPLE FOCUS ON EACH STEP ONE AT A TIME

Have you ever sat across someone who shoveled meat, bread, and vegetables
into their mouth at the same time and then swallowed? How can they enjoy
the taste of anything? Not many people eat that way, but many are quick to
multi-task. We stuff our schedules and lives full with everything at once.
Peaceful people know to compartmentalize:  when doing one task, they are not
thinking of something else.

Peaceful people have learned to check in with themselves several times
a day and ask, "Where am I right now? Am I in the moment, or am I in the
past, or the future?" They make sure their focus is in the present moment.
Know that by totally focusing on the amazing potential of the NOW, you
cannot also feel sad or depressed.

My best,

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Many teenagers stop talking and sharing their feelings. It's their way

to begin separating themselves from their parents. It's healthy for them

to realize that they are not you and begin to explore who they are. That

said, you can still maintain closeness if you know what to do and what

not to do.

If something is bothering your son (or daughter), but they

don't want to talk about it, do the following:

DO:

... Leave the door open for a conversation when he's ready to talk.

... Tell him you love him regardless of what has happened.

... Make it safe for him to give you personal information.

... Listen with the intention of putting yourself in his shoes.

... Empathize and validate his feelings. For example, "I can feel that you

are upset with yourself because you think you made a big blunder and you're

feeling embarrassed."

... Thank him for trusting you with this information.

... Ask him, "How can I best help or support you right now?"

... Respectfully check in periodically.

By doing these things, you will be creating a safety net for your son to

come to you about what's troubling him. Now, here's what not to do.

DON'T:

... Force him to talk just because you think he should.

... Interrupt him or dismiss his feelings.

... Over react or jump to conclusions.

... Judge him or voice your disappointment.

... Push your own agenda and tell him what to do or not do.

... Project your own fears on to your son.

... Try to "fix it" or make it "go away."

... Keep badgering him until you are satisfied.

By doing the above "don'ts," you will further distance yourself from your

son. You could even do irreparably harm to your relationship.

Parents who are comfortable accepting their own range of feelings are much

better at helping their teens. So, take a look at how you nurture yourself

when something's upsetting you.

If your teenage child still won't talk to you, appears depressed, and

has difficulty focusing, schedule a consultation with a parent/teen expert.

Depending upon the situation, you may also need to have your child talk

to a professional counselor. It's better to be safe than sorry.

My best,

Barbara

Teen Parenting Advice

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Today I received an urgent request for advice from a mom with a new husband (or nearly three years) and a 19-year-old son with ADHD who has moved in with them. This young man previously lived with his father and stepmother. Mom says, "My husband shows signs of jealousy and doesn't participate in anything with my son... Needless to say, I'm torn, hurt, and quite frankly a mess. What do I do?" 

First off, I can fully appreciate your desires for your current husband and your son to interact with each other in a friendly and healthy manner. I can sense the disappointment you have in your husband. It’s unclear from your email, why your adult son moved in with you and how long he will stay there. I’m hoping that this decision was made jointly with your spouse and that the two of you talked about how the inclusion of your son will impact your marriage relationship and how you will each effectively handle any conflicts that are bound to arise.

Know that one of the biggest mistakes that biological parents make is trying to turn a step-family into their image of a nuclear family.  Step-families are very different! It’s best not to have preconceived ideas. Trying to force a family relationship between your husband and your son will only make matters worse.   

Newly blended families generally have many hurdles to overcome. In your case, your son is no longer a child and therefore, your husband is not so much a step-parent as “the man who married my mom.” I’m curious, what kind of relationship did your husband have with your son prior to your son moving in with you?

Feelings of jealousy are natural, on both sides.  How are you reassuring your husband and your son that you love them both? If your husband is the one that is experiencing more jealousy, then perhaps, he is no longer convinced that he is number one in your life. Could it be that you have shifted too much of your attention to your son?

How long has your son been living with you this time around? Generally, it’s best for a step-parent to gradually get involved with the biological parent’s child—that’s assuming your husband has an interest in doing that. Don’t make the mistake of interpreting your husband’s lack of interest as a rejection of you (or your son). His view of his new role probably differs from yours. By the way, many adult step-kids aren’t at all interested in having another parent. Friendships, however, can develop over time if they are allowed to unfold naturally.

Whenever an adult child (ADHD or not) returns home, the relationship between parents and young adult needs to be renegotiated. In your case, it’s even more important for the three of you to clearly share expectations out loud and negotiate with each other—as three adults. Find out what each person is willing to do to make it a good experience for everyone involved.

My best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Parents want to know, "What's the difference between the One Minute Parent BLOG (www.BarbarasParentingBlog.com) and the One Minute Parent SUBSCRIPTION of

weekly tips?" Great question!

The BLOG is a mini version of the subscription.

•  It's where I comment on teen news, new teen facts, teen trends and parenting pitfalls
•  It's a less structured format and provides "food for thought"
•  It offers the opportunity for you to post your comments

The SUBSCRIPTION version is delivered to you weekly via e-mail.

• It's a longer version that discusses a common parent-teen issue each week
• It outlines simple step-by-step methods or solutions for parents
• It provides helpful reminders that allow you to upgrade your parenting skills

In addition to the above, we have two more f*ree resources:

FEATURED ARTICLES: We regularly post articles (500-800 words) written by me that have been featured on mega parenting sites, such as www.Dr.LAURA.com and www.SHEKNOWS.com. Due to the size of the article, this information provides more depth into each parenting topic.

ASK BARBARA: Here we give you an opportunity to ask me a pressing question about parenting. I provide answers in the order that the question was received. (If the question is unclear, I will contact you for more information.) If we feel that your question could benefit other parents, we reserve the right to post your question (we don't include your name) and my answer on our www.TeenFrontier.com site.

And, occasionally, we offer no-cost teleclasses. So, stay tuned.

My best-

Barbara

P.S. I'm always open to hearing from you how we can better serve your needs!

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

A mother of two teens, a 16-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son, contacted me to discuss

her observation that she gets fearful whenever her daughter talks about liking a boy. Mom's afraid that daughter will "lose her freedom because of a boy." Mom also regrets having made negative comments about any boy that shows some interest in her daughter, and asked me how she can take back her words and make it right. Here's what I said to her:

Dear Taking It Back,

Could it be that you are projecting your own fears on to your daughter? Is “freedom” a value of yours or hers? Is she concerned about not having enough time with her friends or are you? Take some time to write down your fears and examine them.

The best way to effectively communicate with your daughter, is stop telling her everything that pops into your mind. Telling isn’t teaching. We just think it is. I suggest you listen more and think things through before speaking. Ask thought-provoking questions without pushing your own agenda. This will be a major change in how you communicate with her. So, I highly suggest you support yourself by reading the resources on the teenfrontier.com site and learning our 7 steps to coaching your teen to success. It's a lot like learning a new vocabulary, but it works!

I want to congratulate you for realizing that you need help in changing how you communicate with your daughter. The best way to help your daughter give others a chance and not jump to conclusions, is to model it yourself. Give yourself a chance to improve.

All the best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Most parents realize that they are liable for the supervision of their

children until they are 18 years of age. But, do you know to what

extent you can be held liable for your teen's actions?

A jury in Ohio decided that the parents of a 17-year-old boy must pay

for their son's knife attack of a 13-year-old girl (she was jogging

a Cincinnati suburb). The parents of the boy are expected to pay $4.55

million and the boy, Benjamin White, was ordered to pay $3.5 million

more as punishment. Benjamin was convicted as an adult for attempted

murder and is serving a 10-year jail sentence.

Why did Mom and Dad have to share 70% of the blame? They knew their

son was prone to carrying a knife; they also knew their son had a

history of aggressive attacks on classmates and drug abuse. According

to the jurors, the fact that they found no evidence that the parents

had disciplined their son led to the parents bearing much of the blame.

If you suspect that you have a troubled teen, it is necessary for you

to (a) document your corrective action (i.e. discipline) and (b) seek

professional help for your teen. Corrective action means identifying

appropriate consequences. Many parents don't do this very well and

have trouble keeping their kids on a straight and narrow path.

Remember, as parents, your responsibility is to help your kids take

self-responsibility so that they can learn to be highly-functioning

adults. If you don't you could be considered a negligent parent--and

pay a high price!

Parents are legally responsible for minors. If your kids are misbehaving

and your parenting methods aren't working, you owe it to yourself (and

your children) to get help.

My best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

According to the National Credit Research Foundation, 55% of students age 16-22 have a major credit card. I'm also aware that some teens have a credit card in their name, starting as young as 13!

To find out answers to the following top questions parents have about kids and money:

What are some of the biggest mistakes parents teaching kids about money?

What are the pros and cons in giving kids an allowance?

Are credit cards for teens a good idea?

Go to http://www.teenfrontier.com and listen to my radio interview with Bill Groody of www.itsyourmoney.com.

My best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

The most common issues between parents and teens arise due to poor
communication, power struggles and a lack of empathy. Parents who
are ill-equipped to handle adolescence, get angry, tired, give
up or become even more controlling. If you use the same parenting
methods that you did when your teen was a child, you won't get
positive results. And it's exhausting.

There are five core elements that need to be present to move from
conflict to cooperation. They are best represented in the acronym

CLEAR.

1. Connect
Connection is everything. You do that by having rapport. It's easy to
be in rapport when you like your teen. Yet teenagers are often difficult
to like. Did you know that liking someone is not a prerequisite for
rapport? The ability to find something likable IS necessary.

To develop rapport, focus on something you can appreciate about your
son or daughter. It can be a physical trait (eye color or bright
smile), character trait or talent you can admire. If that feels hard,
think back to when your child was an infant or toddler. Focusing on
a positive aspect of your teen will build connection and prepare you
for your next interaction. Then, notice the difference as you feel more
connected and in accord with each other.

2. Listen
Before you can be a good listener, you need to be willing to get more
information. When you listen without being attached to your own point
of view, you can become open and less defensive. I suggest you listen
consciously without interrupting. Imagine you are hearing the words
from the smartest and most admirable person you know.

Resist the impulse to dismiss feelings or give unsolicited advice. Be
interested in your teen; don't make the conversation about you. That
would be a turn-off and over time, you would run the risk of turning
your teenager further away, eventually looking for family and "love"
in all the wrong places.

3. Empathy

Many arguments and much strife would be avoided if you take a moment
to step into another's shoes to learn how they are perceiving their
situation. Then, empathize right away. This ability to truly hear and
seek to understand causes your teen to feel heard--vital for smooth
communications.

When you empathize, be sincere. Identify the words and feelings that
are given and speak to them. Let your teen know you feel their pain
or their joy. Experiencing empathy feels like receiving a hug. Without
it, we feel empty and alone. Empathy enhances self-worth and builds
harmonious and trustful relationships.

4. Acknowledge
Acknowledging your teen's thoughts, feelings, or complaints, does NOT
mean that you are agreeing with them. You are simply, and effectively
connecting to their humanness by validating what you heard. Some of
you might be tempted to skip this step, so strong is our "need to be
right." Don't do it!

Kids need to feel heard so that they know it's safe to talk to you.
Empathy together with acknowledgement magically combine into a healing
balm for the child in the "pain of anger." Even out-of-control kids
will begin to let go of their resistance.

5. Request
In coaching teens to success, there is an emphasis on making requests vs.
demands. A request is asking someone to do something, not insisting.
When you demand, you paint yourself into a corner. If a demand is
declined, it often results in damage to the relationship. Why? Because
the biggest stumbling block you'll run into relates to your being
controlling. Control leads to resentment and resistance.

If you find that you resort to demanding things of people, you're probably

letting your frustrations build up and waiting too long to ask for what you want.

Help yourself stay focused on being CLEAR by keeping this
acronym handy. Begin practicing with these five core areas before
you find yourself in a challenging situation. The more you practice,
the easier it gets--and the more energy you'll have.

My best,

Barbara

P.S.

Also, if you're in Minnesota, take note that I'll be on the 1490-AM  KXRA
"NewsTalk" morning show with Dennis Anhalt and Patty Wicken tomorrow

at 9:05 AM local time. We'll be discussing how to better prepare teens and
20-Somethings for their future!

=========================================

Don't Send Them To College Without Careful Planning!

Remarkable 28-Day Career Discovery Experience offers teens early
identification of a career that suits them perfectly. Teens
avoid wasting time (and your money!) when they study the right
field.

=========================================

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

It's a fact, most people hate their jobs - or at a minimum feel that they

"missed it" when they chose their current career. Surveys routinely reveal

that a whopping 80% of people working in the U.S. are unhappy with their

jobs. Don't let your teen become one of them!

Now you can help your teen find their passion and interests. How? Ask

your teen these five key questions:

1. What do you want to do all day?

If your son answers, “I just want to play video games,” just listen, don’t

panic. Video game designing is a hot new field. Recently a father and his

16-year-old son discovered that a passion for playing video games can pay

off. Granted not all kids who enjoy computer games have what it takes to

turn it into a bona fide career. In this case, game artist suited this young

man’s natural strengths.

2. Which of your natural talents do you enjoy the most?

The best way to approach this is by noting what your child is already good

at. Talent is defined as “a natural ability, aptitude, or recurring productive

behavior.” If your teen has trouble answering, go ahead and offer your

observations. Just make sure you don’t project your dreams on to

your daughter. Remember Casey’s mom in the movie Ice Princess? Rather

than being supportive, this mom let her own preferences get in the way as

Casey began to realize her real passion was ice skating, not attending Harvard.

3. Where do you want to do it?

Where you work—your work environment—is just as important as what you will

be doing. Most people are dissatisfied or mismatched in their jobs, don’t let your

teen become one of them. Plenty of people are stuck in an office when they’d

rather be outdoors. Or, they work in a big corporate environment when they’d

really shine in a smaller company. A case in point is a pre-law student I helped

who discovered that law is the right career path for her, if she works in a corporate

environment, not in private practice with a small law firm!

4. What are the challenges that lay ahead?

Often kids have no idea what will be required of them to reach their career goals.

We must help them do their due diligence upfront. For example, a teen—who

wasn’t even keen on attending college—didn’t know that to become a successful

Criminologist, he would have to obtain a bachelor’s degree and that most go on

to get a master’s degree in behavioral science. Luckily, he found out in advance

and switched to another, more suitable path. Don’t wait until your teens are in

college to find out they’re studying the wrong field. The trial-and-error method is

expensive and deflating.

5. What might your career ladder look like to reach your dream job?

It generally takes years to prepare for a career. Teens can get a great initial direction

in life if they start paying attention to their interests and transform them into a fun

job right now—whether they get paid for it or not. Interning and volunteering may

not seem appealing, but can lead to paid opportunities. For example, one budding writer—

a junior in high school—wrote for his school paper and now he is writing

a teen column for the local daily newspaper. He has his own by-line and is getting

paid $15 for each story. This experience will put him ahead of his peers in the

marketplace.

These career conversation starters will help your children clarify what steps they

can take right now to land their dream job. Remember to keep clear of the parental

trap of wanting your teens to succeed at all costs. Get to know who your kids are.

If you really want them to be happy and have a fulfilling life, stay away from

molding them into your ideas of who they ought to be.

My best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

What do you do when a guy gives you unwanted attention? Find out the answer

to this question posted by a 16-year-old...I live in an upscale neighborhood and was strolling through the neighborhood park alone, enjoying the warmth of the sun on an unusually warm winter day, when a boy approached me—and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. I finally got rid of him, but he scared me. What do you do when a guy gives you unwanted attention?

Here's the answer from author, single mom expert, and friend,  Sally Adams, who is one of my online experts at www.teenfrontier.com:

A: The easy answer is, "ignore him." Sometimes, however, it's not that easy. There are guys who lack the social grace to get the hint. Teenage boys with no social skills are annoying. Boys who use bullying to control girls are downright dangerous. Here is some information every teenager should know:

1. Trust your feelings. If you're alone with a guy and you are uncomfortable, leave. You don't need to explain yourself. Trust your intuition. Don't spend a second worrying about hurting his feelings. If you feel threatened, you must get out of the situation as quickly as possible.

2. Tell a good friend or family member where you are going and with whom. Leave an address and phone number. Definitely, keep your cell phone handy. Borrow a parent’s or friend's phone for the evening if you don't have one so you can be prepared for any emergency.

3. If you are ever alone (never a good idea) and you are being followed, here are some steps to take:

If you are walking, go to a busy, well-lighted area and find a staff person, security guard or group of women to get your bearings. Call someone to pick you up.

If you are driving, do not drive to your home, drive to a secure location that is well-lit and busy. A police station, fire station, busy restaurant area with outdoor activity are all good choices. If you are frightened, call the police and ask if you could have an escort. Do not invite anyone you don't know to ride in the car with you.

If you should be followed into your driveway, stay in your car with the doors locked. Sound the horn to alert your parents and neighbors or call 911 if the other driver is purposefully blocking you in.

4. Always park where the lighting is good and you are lit from parking space to destination. This sounds like a no-brainer, but it is sometimes hard to manage in busy parking lots. If it is a choice between distance and lights, choose lights. I would rather walk three blocks on a well-lighted sidewalk than go ten feet in a dark alley. You can check out where the lights are before dark falls. Also, when you leave your car, make sure the doors are locked. Have your keys ready when you return. And, most importantly, check the car's interior before getting in.

5. Walk with a friend whenever possible. You can always ask a security guard to walk you to your car. They’re happy to oblige. Don’t walk alone.

6. If someone uses force or aggressive language or behavior to get you to do anything, avoid that person. If you flirt with someone and he becomes aggressive later, call a halt to the activity and get out of that situation. [According to the U.S. Department of Justice, a victim’s acquaintances, friends or family members perpetrate nearly 70% of all rapes.]

There are some wonderful, considerate guys out there who are confident enough to be with an awesome girl like you. These guys never have to use force to get along with people. If a guy is aggressive or if you feel frightened by his words, he doesn't need any attention from you.

If you'd like more information about Sally or would like to check out our expert

column, go to http://www.teenfrontier.com/expert-Q-A.htm.

My best,

Barbara

Teen and 20Something Parenting Advice

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Some say New Year's resolutions are a waste of time. That's often

true for people who have a long list of "shoulds." It's nearly       

impossible to take shoulds to heart. If it's a should instead of a

strong desire, either turn it into one, or get real and drop it

from you list. Choose goals that you feel strongly about and are

willing to see through to completion.

To help you look at which core changes would make the most impact

on your life, notice which areas you are most drawn to; ask

yourself the 7 powerful questions below. Then, identify one intention

(two at the most to keep it realistic) to focus on for achievable

results.

1. Do I regularly take time for reflection?

By taking time out to reflect on your life, your goals, yourself, you

become open to insights that allow you to live more effectively and

peacefully. You clearly realize what's working, what isn't, and you can

make new choices, accordingly.

Resolve to: take 5-minute power breaks; take Yoga classes; meditate

for 20 minutes per day . . .

2. Do I learn from the feedback that life naturally provides?

When you become a keen observer of life, you accelerate your path of

learning. You do this by integrating your learnings, thereby succeeding

faster. Life becomes effortless. This then boosts your confidence to

uncover your latent talents and increase your capacity to live life fully.

Resolve to: ask yourself daily "What have I learned today?"; enroll

in a class to develop a neglected talent, keep a wisdom log; attempt

something of interest that you've never done before . . .

3. Do I make choices that are in alignment with my well-being?

Once you become conscious of how you are treating your body and track

your results, your motivation will be fueled to be more respectful of

it. You will naturally be more selective about what you allow into your

body (be it food, beverages, drugs). Remember: your body will be with

you for the duration of your life!

Resolve to: treat your body like the delicate instrument that it is;

daily thank your body for its service to you; consciously connect with

your body and let it be your guide . . .

4. Do I approach each relationship with deep honor and respect?

The secret to enjoying healthy and strong family, personal or business

relationships is to cultivate empathy. In honoring another's point of view and

acknowledging his or her feelings (you don't need to agree), you create

a powerful connection that fosters trust. Then, when inevitable

differences arise, you can handle them elegantly.

Resolve to: practice understanding another's point of view before sharing your own;

speak your truth without getting attached to being right; see the divinity

in each human being . . .

5. Do I let go of the past in order to keep from recreating it?

Your past doesn't have to equal your future, unless you react out of

habit. You are always free to recreate yourself in any moment based on

how you want to experience yourself in life. The Buddha said: "What

you are is what you have done, what you will be is what you do now."

Resolve to: select a belief or habit that no longer serves you and

replace it; visualize the new preferred you for a few minutes daily;

act as if and begin celebrating your changes right now . . .

6. Do I make *fun* a necessary ingredient for everything I do?

Have you noticed that work can be play, that when you include the fun-

factor, you feel more vitality? When you make healthy fun a priority,

your creativity and your productivity is enhanced. Some of your best

ideas and clearest choices will have an opportunity to surface.

Resolve to: have something fun to look forward to every day; schedule

several blocks of time in your weekly calendar for play; make your "play

time" sacred . . .

7. Do I set important goals for myself and stick to them?

When you know what you really want and why, you will increase your chances

of success. Then the actions you take in alignment with your intentions

propel you forward and allow you to feel the satisfaction of accomplishment.

Your enthusiastic commitment dissolves any resistance to moving yourself

into a new direction.

Resolve to: let change support new opportunities of fulfillment; write a

commitment letter to yourself and sign it; ask a friend or coach to help

you stay true to yourself . . .

My best-

Barbara

SPECIAL New Year's Offer! 

Jump start the year by partnering with Barbara McRae, MCC.

New clients who enroll and begin coaching during the months of January

or February save $75.00 from the regular monthly rate. Get assistance with

your unique challenges and opportunities to make 2006 a banner year!

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

How can we have a Happy New Year? Is it even realistic? It's been my observation that in order to have a happy year, we must chunk this goal down into smaller pieces. Few of us can genuinely be happy all of the time. But it IS possible to be happy for a moment. The more happy moments you can string together, the easier it gets.

Take a look at how happy you were in 2005. That's a fantastic indicator of how happy you will probably be in 2006 IF you continue doing what you've always been doing. If you really want to enhance your capacity for being happy, start asking yourself, "What can I feel good about right now?" Well thought out questions can be very powerful in helping you look beneath the surface of how things seem to be.

If being happy seems too difficult, that's where my coaching programs come in handy. Call me for a free consultation at 719-475-7524. In the meantime, thank you for your enthusiastic interest in this blog and for your valuable comments. You have no idea how personally rewarding it is to know that the information shared here makes such a difference.

And now, my best wishes for a gloriously happy New Year to you all!

(For a special treat, check out the pictures at:

http://homepage.mac.com/billtomlinson/Logic/Happynewyear.)

Barbara

Teen Parenting Advice and Bestselling Author of Coach Your Teen to Success. 

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

A friend just sent me this wisdom piece and thought I'd pass it along to all of you.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me, he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and is between two wolves. One is evil--he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good--he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generiosity, truth, compassion and faith. The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one that you feed."

It's important to be conscious of our choices. It's not enough to choose once--and be done with it. We need to choose what we will feed moment-by-moment.

I love this story and encourage you to share it with your kids.

My best-

Barbara

Teen Parenting Advice and Bestselling Author of Coach Your Teen to Success.

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

While the holidays are fun and filled with joy for some, others struggle.

Holiday depression is common and doesn't just affect adults, but kids

too. We can't help our children when we are suffering.

How many hours have you spent in class learning how to be happy?
That's what I thought! Here are some key ways you can tell how you

are doing.

You accept that your life is perfect today--even if it's not.

Most people are resistant to accepting life as it is. You want it
to be different, better. The key to having your life be more to your
liking lies in making it okay that it is the way it is right now. It
might sound crazy, but when you can accept your current situation,
you free what life (the universe or God) has given you to stay or
leave. You see, by accepting what you are experiencing, it can no
longer control you!

You see the gift contained in each event.

When something terrible or tragic happens in your life, do you ask,
"Why me?" This imples that you are labeling it as bad. Try reframing
it in a way that helps you feel more empowered. People that are
willing to do this are much happier. They choose to tell themselves
that within any challenge there lies a positive purpose. Ask yourself,
"What am I learning or what's good about this?"

You have eliminated your energy drains.

This point is about practicing extreme self-care. You become conscious
of your energy levels and eliminate toxins from your life. These
toxins can take the form of food that is incompatible with our body,
toxic people or situations. It takes courage to put yourself and your
energy first. Get support. Then look for people and activities that add
joyful energy to your life.

You shift and leap instead of changing what you are doing.

Changing behavior is a linear approach that takes time and effort. When
you shift and leap, change happens organically. To do this, the focus is
not on trying to change a specific behavior as much as it is acquiring
new preferred behavior. You do this by focusing on the self-image of
your best self. Behavior naturally follows self image. The self-develop-
ment inherent in this three-dimentioanl shift, creates shift and lasting
results.

You are connected to something greater than yourself.

Have you noticed that life has much more meaning and feels less stressful
when you tap into your Source, God, or Spiritual Consciousness. At this
stage, you realize that while we need money to live on planet Earth, it
isn't the answer to having a happy and healthy life. The spiritual part
of our life helps us balance our physical, mental, and emotional needs.

Hope this helps you!

Barbara

Teen Parenting Advice and Bestselling Author of Coach Your Teen to Success.

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Taking time to reflect allows you to make use of your personal
experiences in order to get more out of all areas of your life.

If you have a better grasp on what allows you to be successful,
you can more readily replicate it. Without reflection, you run
the risk of getting stuck in a particular stage of development.

It is not uncommon to overlook the benefits of periodically
spending some time on reflection. If you think you are too busy
to reflect, check out the 10 powerful reasons listed here.

<> you extract your learnings and add value to what you have
experienced

<> you transfer your insights and apply them to new situations

<> you become more alert and aware of what's working and what
isn't in order to make better choices

<> you identify new and important goals and objectives

<> you balance and integrate intention and action

<> you gain more access to intuitive knowledge

<> you become practiced in objectively reviewing yourself

<> you review strategies in advance to avoid pitfalls

<> you make the effective transfer of strategies that serve you

<> you increase your resources and the number of viable options
that are available to you

The end of the calendar year is a perfect time to take inventory
of 2005. To assist you, below you'll find my favorite "Year in
Review" questions.

WHAT ARE MY WINS/SUCCESSES? (List accomplishments you feel good
about)

WHAT ARE MY DISAPPOINTMENTS? (List situations that didn't turn
out the way you had hoped or expected)

WHAT ARE MY BIG DISCOVERIES? (List things you are now aware of
that you didn't know before)

WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR? (List both "small" and large" things you
appreciate)

WHAT I WANT TO CREATE IN 2006? (List your wish list of goals)

You can do this exercise on your own or with a partner. Then, share
your results with your coach. (Kids ten and up enjoy it, too). You'll
have fun reminiscing in years to come!

My best-

Barbara

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

THIS YEAR MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF!
 
Who do you know who wants to make nagging, stress, and frustration
a thing of the past OR dreams of a time where, instead of shutting
you out, your teen seeks your input in making their life choices?
 
During December, we are offering our subscribers special savings
(30% off of the $14.95 cover price) and you get an opportunity to
get your book autographed with a personalized message for whomever
you choose!

We will even gift-wrap it for you!

This offer is ONLY available directly from us by phoning or emailing
us.
 
This special promotion is NOT available through our web site, Amazon,
Barnes & Noble, or Borders. By the way, we accept VISA and Mastercard.

Here's what a fellow IBIer has to say about this bestselling book:
 
"Word choices and approaches are key factors in communicating

 successfully and coming to an understanding. Coach Your Teen

to Success provides effective strategies for turning conflict into

cooperation. Whether you are raising teens or renewing relationships

with your adult children, you'll have the perfect guide for communicating
effectively and empathically." 

~~ John Mohan, Director, The Institute for Effective Instruction

Make it easy on yourself and buy now, minimize your gift list, and
make a huge difference in another person's life.

To order, call us toll-free at 888-409-5433 or email
barbara@teenfrontier.com today!
 

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™

Moms know that the December holidays can provide a major drain on our time and we can

become stressed and anxious, losing sight of the joy available to us. It's easy to be pulled

into that well-worn path of "shoulds" that can result in feeling obligated and stretched too

thin.

Last year, my latest book was released in September and I was scheduled to do the usual book tour during the next three months. I was already running a full-time executive coaching and parent/teen coaching business prior to writing Coach Your Teen to Success.

It was clear that I would need to cut some things out of my already tight schedule. For me, letting go of having to do it all and focusing on what matters most--and what has the greatest impact--helps me make good choices. I love to bake, but I let go of holiday baking this once because it was more important to me to nurture my newborn (my book) right now. So, rather than feeling obligated to keep my holiday tradition, I bought favorite baked goods instead. I stayed sane, enjoyed my tour, and nobody complained.

Here's a checklist I use to stay on track when I begin to feel overwhelmed with things I

"ought" to do. Perhaps, you'll find it useful.

<> Will this activity enhance or detract from my vision for today (or this occsaion, this week, this month, this season, etc.?)

<> Is this something I can delegate or outsource?

<> Will this activity energize me or will it drain me of energy?   

It's important to remember that we don't HAVE to do anything based on the expectations of

others. Don't allow yourself to get trapped. If you are concerned about the opinions and

approval of others, then you are giving others dominion over you. Also, be mindful of your

own inner critic!

Free yourself from "shoulds" to do more of what you know is best for you to do right now.

Then, enjoy what you are doing. Consider valuing yourself enough to make fun a part of

everything you do.

Last year, I had fun being interviewed by the media. This year, I had fun baking and creating

new holiday decorations for my home. I believe fun is a key factor for being joyful and being

in the flow of life.

Joyfully,

Barbara

Teen Parenting Advice and Bestselling Author of Coach Your Teen to Success

Barbara McRae,   My Blog
MCC Author, Coach, Parent/Teen Expert
www.TeenFrontier.com
www.EnhancedLife.com
www.20-Something-Careers.com
Neon Whispers™