If I were to replay such scenes, I would definitely change several aspects. One, I would first calm myself by feeling my breath and "doing gravity" as one of my teachers used to say. That means relaxing my weight into the ground. We can all learn to do this almost instantly. Stop and take a second to breathe with awareness and simultaneously let your weight relax into the ground. This can change your emotional state almost immediately.

Secondly, I would gently touch him so that we are facing each other and in a normal voice, i.e. one that didn't suggest he was "bad," talk about the problem in simple terms. We could then walk hand-in-hand to his room, or work together cleaning up a mess, or follow through on whatever natural consequence was appropriate for the circumstances.

Fifty years of research on spanking shows that spanked children have more behavior, relationship and on-the-job problems than those who weren't spanked. How a child is spanked, i.e. the place, the frequency, the duration, the strength, and the emotional state of the parent, relate to the severity of these problems.

I highly recommend that parents use physical touch only when in an emotionally stable mindset, not when they are angry at their child. However, when a parent fears for a child's safety, intervene immediately and take care of the child from a calm and aware place afterwards. Hope this is helpful. Trackback URL For This Entry Is http://www.32direct.com/blogs_ma/trackback.php?id=266

Paula Jeane, Ph.D.
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Founder of The Touch-Ability Project