The Unrecognized Power of Touch

Nov. 28, 2005 - Smile and Reach Out

I just wrote the following exercise for a chapter in my book, Positive Touching: Increasing Our Capacity to Love. I'm wondering if anyone would like to try this out with their child and give me feedback. The chapter is on learning to appreciate the power of touch and it follows a bit about how children develop interesting, serious, and sometimes distorted thoughts about what is safe behavior and what isn't safe.
Smile and Reach Out
1. If you suspect your child might get upset or irritable soon, stop and notice that thought as soon as possible—at the very first sign of trouble, even if you are unsure where the thought came from.
2. Notice your body’s signals, i.e., any physiological responses. What body signals do you pick up from your child? Be aware of changes in breath, volume and tone of voice, facial expressions, energy, and movements—especially any that appear a bit aggressive. Do both you and your child have similar signals? How many particular subtle or obvious things can you notice?
3. Next, slow your breath and relax your muscles, letting your weight sink to the ground.
4. Now SMILE, whether you feel like smiling or not, and look at your child and make a slight open arm gesture that is not demanding, but is welcoming. A gesture that indicates, “I am paying attention to you and would be glad to connect with loving touch.” Let your child decide whether to respond. Refrain, if possible, from speaking.
5. If your child ignores you and goes away or continues escalating, repeat your smile and gesture a couple of times, even while continuing whatever activity you were doing.
6. Observe what happens. Compare previous responses in similar circumstances to this experience. Does your child feel comforted? Does he come for a hug?

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Paula Jeane, Ph.D.
lighten up! learning
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Founder of The Touch-Ability Project

Nov. 28, 2005 - Great Exercise

Posted by kittyc

What a great way to reassure your child, while still allowing them to process and decide which emotions they will give full reign. I'll bet that most of the time, the child will smile back and change their fretful course to something more positive.

I wonder how it works on adults?

Kitty

Kitty R. Connell

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Nov. 28, 2005 - testing

Posted by Ritaw

Hi Paula,

I am very much looking forward to trying that with my son. My son is a smart, kind and loving boy, but he does tend to be very stubborn at times- especially when we are working on learning something new. I never quite know what the best approach is on that. Next time I see that we are on that path, I'll try your approach. I hope it will avoid a potential meltdown. I'll report back.

Rita Wilhelm
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