The Unrecognized Power of Touch
Dec. 21, 2005 - What to do about opposites who attract
An IBI friend mentioned to me one night that she really craves a lot of touch and her husband doesn't. She's the extremely creative type and he's the more practical, logical, and focused type. She wondered what can be done with people who are apparently opposites in their use of touch behaviors.
This is pretty common. Education about learning styles and the need for touch dominant (also called tactile-kinesthetic) people to touch and move in order to learn best (hands-on or experiential learning) is of prime importance. A hug or gentle touch really helps a touch dominant person feel heard also.
Some people will do practically anything to get touched, even if it's hurtful. Divorce, child abuse, and domestic violence often result from touch-related issues.
Here's where my work comes in and there is plenty to learn. Who ever got training about when, where, why, how and if to touch others? Touch me and I feel heard, seen or connected to you, even though I was raised with almost no touch. Touch someone who was inappropriately touched or touch deprived, and you may see him or her tighten up and back away. The differences seem obvious on the outside, however I suggest we are not so different on the inside. Touch behavior is learned behavior whether or not your best learning style is tactile-kinesthetic.
Like any of our senses, our sense of touch can be strengthen and fine-tuned. I offer plenty of theory and practice in my classes so students can learn that touch is an art and needs to be taught like any other subject. There has been a huge backlash against touching students, clients, and colleagues because of inappropriate touch, but the problem is that touch deprivation is just as bad. Education can help us experience more nurturing, compassionate touch, which is life affirming and helps us heal and connect to others.
New classes coming up in January. Meanwhile, have a great holiday season.
HUGS,
Paula
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Paula Jeane, Ph.D.
lighten up! learning
My Blog
Founder of The Touch-Ability Project
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